Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
