In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
