tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
