Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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