I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
