It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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