i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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