she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
