so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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