I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize