3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
