i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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