ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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