I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
