You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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