He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
