I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
