Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
