hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
