the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
babies were throwing up all over the place
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I wear drunk well.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
