I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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