Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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