Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
