You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
