I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
