Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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