Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
