i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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