Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
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