My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize