Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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