If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
