if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
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