I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
