I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
