Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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