So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize