we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
