I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
