Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
