did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
