There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Its about making memories worth repressing
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize