Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
