She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
