Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
