its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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