I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
