Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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