She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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