Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
