Porn is love you can see.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
