my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
