I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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