I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
