oh god the rape fog is back!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
