I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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