dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
