When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
