Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
