i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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