Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
