You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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