I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
my poor anus
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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