I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
