i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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