If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
