I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
