oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
