life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
