Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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