You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
