yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
