I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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