There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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