I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
