HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
false alarm. still invincible.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
