found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
