Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
