I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
