I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
