You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
