Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize