K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so that wasnt chicken after all
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
