brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
