i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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