Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
