ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
