Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
