never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
