i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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